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Monthly Archives: October 2017

How I Go 90% With Cloth Diapering

Cloth diapering is not easier than using disposables. It is, in fact, more work. Just let that sink in for a moment. Or, if you’re already a cloth-diapering parent you’re like, “obviously, bro.” So, why would anyone choose to cloth diaper? There are two main reasons: 1.) It is so. much. cheaper.  2.) Save the planet! Side benefits include: they are usually more gentle on baby bums, babies/toddlers will understand that peeing=wetness which helps immensely with potty training (so I’ve heard, haven’t crossed that bridge yet), and of course, that priceless smugness that only comes from making unpleasant sacrifices for the good of the planet. Cloth diapering is really not a big deal for our family, and is just part of our routine. Here’s is what we do and how: We have 18 cloth diapers and 3 wet bags for Warrior Girl. (You really only need 12-14). 11 of the diapers are All-In-One cloth diapers similar to these, and 7 are Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers. Here is a great article clarifying the differences in the various types of cloth diapers. Every other…

Affirmations for People with a Savior Complex

Our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world shape our behaviors on the daily. And that is why I love affirmations–choosing intentionally what I want to believe. Whenever I realize I want/need to change my mind about something, I write affirmations to say to myself to help restructure my ways of thinking. It’s pretty much non-invasive brain surgery. Of course, many times affirmations are not enough to rewire a lifetime of experience and thinking, but they are a useful tool nonetheless. I realized something rather unfortunate recently: I have a bit of a savior complex. AKA, some hidden belief that others need me in order to function. This is probably pretty common for people in helping professions. This is also known as needing to be needed, codependency, and hero syndrome. It’s essentially just a bit too much of a good thing. It’s when wanting to help others is tinged by a belief that we are smarter/more competent/more capable or worse than others, and we seek to feel important, needed, and loved through helping and serving. It becomes about us. And it can quickly turn toxic in relationships. A…

The Good News About Infant Attachment

The topic of infant attachment comes up a lot in sleep training, feeding and parenting style in general. Attachment is important, of course. The bonds we form in infancy and childhood impact the “relationship blueprint” we carry for the rest of our lives (although even a damaged relationship blueprint can be repaired with intervention). But sometimes it can be really stressful for moms. All the information leads many moms to experience guilt if they are not able to live up to ideals they think they must meet. Luckily, forming secure attachments with our children is far less complicated than a quick and confusing Google search would lead you to believe. …. This post was published as a guest post on Mother.ly. Click here for the full article! Did you get confused/worried about forming a secure attachment with your child? Share your journey in the comments below…

My Best Advice for Dealing with “Askholes”

Askholes: they invoke fury in the tender-hearted, and rancor in the benevolent. Fortunately, I have a solution/advice for dealing with askholes once and for all: Stop giving people advice. They probably don’t really want it. (Admittedly, there are exceptions to this. Like when your friend calls and says, “How do I assemble this Ikea bookshelf?” or asks you to advise them on the best chocolate chip cookie recipe.  Then, they probably really do want you to tell them what to do.) But when they ask what they should do about their career change/their cheating partner/their child’s addiction/their depression/breastfeeding/sleep training/etc, they probably do not want advice. (Or in some cases, they really do want your advice, but after they’ve heard ideas from a number of sources, they want to make their own decision like the free-will toting humans they are.) Yes, yes, I know… they specifically asked us for our wisdom, our insight, our brilliant step-by-step instructions. Or at least implied that they would otherwise benefit from said wisdom. However, the issue here is people often don’t ask for…

Speaking of Mindfulness…

Speaking of mindfulness, I just got out of the shower and discovered I had only shaved one leg. And I have two. Legs, that is. On an unrelated note, also speaking of mindfulness, I opted to eat 5 mini-snickers after a pretty heavy therapy session the other day. But! I knew I was emotionally eating while I emotionally ate. Hence, mindfulness. Today, I also opted to be aware I was emotionally eating while I emotionally ate a large quantity of Lays and french onion dip. Then I demanded to my husband that he should let me unilaterally name our baby this amazing name I made up, which he thinks sounds like a brand of eye drops, and while we’re at it, he should also let me decorate our apartment exactly the way I want it with no input from him. As I said it, I knew I was being ridiculous. So yes, I was being pretty mindful. He laughed, which is the only kind response when your wife is getting a bit nutty and approaching the third trimester of pregnancy (are those two things related?). It’s so great to be a self-aware wreck. On…

Living Gracefully With Regret

“No regrets.” It’s a phrase I will probably never understand. All I think when I see a meme like this:   this, or this is….seriously? For real, bro? There’s nothing in your past you wish you could change? On the one hand, there is the whole, “I ate 3 more tacos after I was full… no regrets” kind of no regrets. You know, or the “I danced ‘The Macarena’ in front of my entire office…no regrets” kind of no regrets. But what about times we have just plain screwed up? When I hear these inspirational quotes about how you should have no regrets, because your choices have made you who you are today, and mistakes are just lessons learned, I am left thinking, “yeah, but what about the impact our choices have on other people?”  Yes, the other humans who inhabit this planet. We don’t live in a vacuum; our choices have consequences for us and for other people as well. If I could go back and change the ways I have hurt people, I would do it in…