The Real Postpartum, Morale Boosters, and Life Lately

Well I’ve fallen off the interwebs for a few weeks and I will tell you why: I have been occupied.

Occupied with trying to pull it together and be okay, occupied with facing that I am not doing so well, occupied with confessing tearfully to my husband and a good friend, and for the last couple weeks, occupied with taking action to make my life and mood more manageable (because that’s just my personality).

In short, adjusting to having two little ones at home has been rough, my hormones postpartum have been all over the place, and I haven’t had any “time off” since Grace Girl was born some 7 weeks ago.

The first few days after Grace Girl was born, I was on a high. I was totally zen about the birth not going according to plan, I believed everything worked out the way it needed to, and I felt blessed to get such special treatment from the universe and to bring home my precious little newborn and begin a new chapter in our lives.

Then, around the third day postpartum, my milk came in.

I promptly found myself sitting on the couch with engorged, leaking breasts, while Grace Girl coughed and sputtered on my milk and struggled to latch, crying without knowing why.

Before Grace Girl, I felt like a normal human. In the couple days after the birth: the darling of the universe. Once my milk came in: just another insignificant person struggling along in a completely random, chaotic, indifferent universe before eventually succumbing to the grave as we all do. I found myself crying multiple times a day about the fact that I will eventually die and have to leave my babies. It felt like a pressing concern at the moment, and such a cruel trick that we love so much only to have to let go.

And then, the realities of our whole family adjusting to the change became apparent. Warrior Girl, normally so sweet and agreeable, seemed to have undergone a personality swap and was incredibly jealous of her little sister. There were hours spent in the rocking chair, holding a daughter in each arm while one cried and one had a conniption–as they both so needed and wanted me–just sitting there mutely and holding my girls, lacking the energy or mental capacity to think of anything else to do.

I remember the blurry quality the days had, and the fog that was nighttime.

Around 2-3 weeks postpartum, gaining some semblance of a routine reduced the feeling that it was all passing in a haze, but the frustration and anger I was feeling while coping with two screaming children continued.

Eventually, I opted to talk to my best friend about how I was feeling, and then my husband. Thanks to their understanding and support, the guilt and shame I was feeling dissipated and I gained the strength to start thinking about how I could get out of my rut…

So when a friend suggested my two girls and I join her two girls and her on a roadtrip to the West Coast, I thought, “no way can I do that. I can barely get the diwshwasher unloaded once every 24 hours.”

But then I thought, “taking care of a toddler and newborn is rough no matter where we are… Might as well be at the beach!”

So we went.

It was awesome. Except when it was crazy. 😉 We got exercise, sunshine and fresh air every day; we minimized screen time and ate healthy foods.

And slowly the fog began to dissipate, along with the daily routine of woeful existential contemplations and tears.

This improvement reminded me that, although we can’t always control our moods (yes, I am a therapist, and yes, I did just say that), there are so many mood-boosting lifestyle factors that can help. (Of course, if you are depressed, the problem is having the energy to actually employ any of these strategies. That’s why it’s not so easy, but I digress…).

On mountaineering/climbing expeditions, “morale” is attended to every day, as keeping spirits up is essential for keeping courage. It is not expected that positivity and mental strength will simply alight on your shoulders uncourted. High morale is purposely cultivated.

At times, being a parent can be every bit as challenging as scaling treacherous mountains, and attending to morale is equally important.

Now that I am back home and back to caring for my children mostly by myself during the days, I want to make a daily effort to keep my spirits up for the challenge that is motherhood.

Here are some of my favorite morale boosters for weekdays when J is at work and I’m with the kiddos:

• Have a green smoothie/fresh produce of some kind every day.
• Eat food that makes me feel strong and energetic (as opposed to food that makes me want to loll about on the couch for the next few hours).
• Go for a walk with the kiddos.
• Do Cosmic Kids Yoga with Warrior Girl. Seriously, their videos are awesome and kids love it.
• Get Warrior Girl to join me in my postpartum workout routine (which I have mostly been neglecting…until now! Right?)
• Take the girls to the library for either storytime or dance time, depending on the day. Yes, our local library seriously has kid’s dance time. Seeing all the littles pretending to be fish/dragons/dancing with ribbons is a proven mood booster 100% of the time. Unless your kid throws a tantrum mid-hokey-pokey. Then maybe not.
• Get interaction with other adults, preferably in person. Visit friends or even just call a friend on the phone while out walking.
• Watercolor or fingerpaint with Warrior Girl.
• Dance in the kitchen with Warrior Girl. Bonus: mommy chooses the music. (I have seriously had it with annoying kid’s music right now. Except I’ve also just about forgotten what music I like…recommendations)?
• Go outside and get some sun, even for a few minutes (since it’s cold out still). Let Warrior Girl ride her balance bike or play with rocks.

• Meditate/journal/do yoga during naptime. In other words, mental and spiritual self-care.
• Say affirmations in the morning and throughout the day.
• Have snacks at the ready to curb “hanger” tantrums.
• Give Warrior Girl lots of snuggles between Grace Girl’s nursing sessions to reduce frequency of jealousy-related tantrums.
• Read/journal/do yoga in the evenings. Ie. self-care.
• Make cleaning up into a game for Warrior Girl and I.

• Wear Grace Girl skin-to-skin in the carrier.
• Wear something cute that I usually save for special occasions. Leave the house wearing said cute outfit. Or at least take a fish-lips selfie for proof. Possibly text selfie to husband with a wink face emoji.
• Listen to uplifting music on youtube. I seriously love Krishna Das and other mantra music. I also like normal music. I think. I can’t remember. But Raffi is actually not bad. Okay, okay, I love Raffi.

What was the postpartum period like for you? What are your favorite morale-boosters?